I am supposed to be sleeping right now. But somehow, few things started to play around in the mind. I don't know... As the days pass by, I know that I am pretending to do well. It shouldn't have happen this way. The bad way, I meant. Especially when I have tooo many things to juggle up on my shoulders.

I wish that the time will just freeze and I could only choose those times that I wish to remember. Somethings, are really hard to be forgotten no matter how much I wanted to erase it away. When I happen to be doing so well, some forces of energy, would tend to push me back down again. Hence, I am back to square one. The original lane where I have to repeat back all over again. It somehow seems to be like a karma or 'sweet revenge'. But I feel like I am in a game of roller coaster. Where I have to go through the rounds on the track of agony, and then back to square one where it has just ended.

It seems to be the one that keeps my hopes down and when the time is getting crucial, I had already decided to giving up trying as I know, I might end up failing again. Maybe, if a problem is to be erase or forgotten permanently, a person should start to make thousands of pacts to delete whatever that has got to do with the problem so that I won't reflect back with what had happen. Somehow, it does sounds like I am running away from the problems. But, using my own way, I am actually just pretending that it didn't happen to me. Cause I don't wish to do more harm than before. I don't wish to be the main one even though I didn't even start the fire in the first place.

I am sorry if it does seems like I am being self centered kinda person. I am just trying to reason out with what I might think is right for myself and others.