my cyber diary

2012-02-09T19:52:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah, journey in life is going smoothly. For now, i am trying my best to become dependent again. It feels great by not to think sooo much of personal problems. When a friend was gone, another 2 enters in! HAHAHAHA..

About that, I will share the story someday!

Talk about someone, H, I just don't celebrate Valentine's Day anymore. I mean, I USED to celebrate it several times years ago. But I stopped because I have found out that it is Haram according to Islamic's law. Hence, if U still wanna go out with me on that day itself, let's not make a purpose as to celebrate Valentine's day. But if U still do, go find some other girls that doesn't really know about this Valentine thingy.

Adios.

2012-02-05T22:19:00.001+08:00

Totally had fun w D...

The peaceful beach, water and sandy...

A great way to ease my mind and heart.

2012-02-04T22:32:00.003+08:00

I really wanna start afresh again...

Ya Allah,please guide me wherever I go...

2012-01-24T23:37:00.003+08:00

It's been a short 4 days of break from the school. It's enough for me as i just don't wanna get anymore make up classes which could drag our dismissal time since I need to complete my own assignments and etc.

But, I truly pampered myself by just relaxing and rotting with the tv and also spending time with family and loved ones.

On sunday, headed to bugis and then to town for shopping and catching ups with dearies..

It was fun and full of laughter...Something fishy did happened along the way. But just scraped it off. Dinner at McD as kyn was craving for it. Sabby joined us for dinner too. Walked around thereafter and failed my mission to find a decent sandal for outings and school. Headed back home after 8pm since most shops starting to close.

Monday, went out with family members in hunting for nice food. Finally managed to find a nice pair of sandal for 23bucks! Failed to get a new cheap iPod charger but I got myself a new clothes for my Raya. Hehehe. Headed back home and then u called me. I felt relief when i finally get to let out my feelings. Well,almost all u know about.Not fully.

As for today, just hang around with some girl friends with me at crib. It was great. (: thanks girls..

Ah well, back to school life of hectic and stress! waehoo...

2012-01-23T23:15:00.002+08:00

As much i missed u, i remembered back why i shouldn't miss u.

U hated me. So I'm ur no.1 enemy that u should not get close with.

Hence, I know where I'm standing.

2012-01-21T12:19:00.003+08:00

Reflected on what has been going on,

It seems like it's a never ending game.

I cannot keep holding on,

As things can never be the same.

Reminiscence back the bitter sweet memories,

Somehow felt disappointed as it falls.

I wish u more glories,

And to be strong and stand up tall.

I missed the old You,

But never did I know it's can't be change.

The fantasy is too good to be true,

As now I'm just left in comfort zone.

I prayed hard to find the new You,

But it is not same way.

I guess it is better to stay true,

Without leaving U astray.

Giving up or just stay?

It's been a dilemma for me.

I want to be with U someday,

But will it shows how it should be?

Ya Allah, please show me the path. I am so confused with which paths to choose.

2012-01-19T00:05:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, i feel that crying is just another way of telling myself that it's ok to let it out. It's ok not to be ok. At some point, when everything just doesn't go your way, even the tiny error or crap can make you pissed.

I keep reminding myself, to always stay strong,as nobody really cares if i'm not alright. Everybody expects to be happy and not having probs that can lead to breaking down. At some point of down turn, i would cry and try my very best to convince and confide my heart that things will get better and be stronger to face it.

I tried my best,seriously. I feel that things just don't wanna go my way and make me more screwed up which telling me that i can't amend things anymore. Even when i'm not physically crying, my heart does, constantly reminding me to stand strong for myself and not letting anyone knows that i am weak. Cause I wanna be the reason why they are happy. If I am sad, how am I suppose to cheer them up?haiz.

Ya Allah,kuatkanlah hati ini..Amin...

2012-01-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

Starting from this coming week, i'm gonna start with intense revision for my exam papers. InsyaAllah, with Him guiding me in heart...

2012-01-15T22:05:00.006+08:00

Hey ho!!! well, it's my parent's anniversary!! Alhamdulillah,their love for each other have never fades. (:

Just had a mini celebration,just the 3 of us. Well, I thought that mom wasn't working but I found out she's working right after I woke up from sleep... Anyways, we fetched her frm work and head down to Vivo for our early dinner at Barcelos. The food was delicious but the service were kinda poor. Tsk...It's kinda pricey and the service was like fast food type. Order at a counter. -_- I was lost in ordering the food. It was mat rap that served us. MYGOD...

Shopped for CNY goodies for our 2 Chinese family neighbors. And bought myself a packet of rock candy! Heh heh! I've eyed for a nice heels for myself at Pedro (yes, feminine a bit more this time!). But sadly, it's made up of pig lining! So sadddd. I'm gonna hunt for that pair of heels without any pig lining! Muahahaha. Soon lahhh. Nw need money to save up for ________.

Anywayssss. Arnd 6.45pm,we head down to Labrador park and have a stroll at the beach. Watching the beautiful sunset making its way for the night to come. Subhanallah, it looks beautiful. I pray that I can appreciate and witness the beauty of nature with someone special just like how my parents could. InsyaAllah. Ah wells, head back home thereafter.

To my parents,I hope and pray that ibu and ayah could always love each other till Syurga Jan'nah. May U lovebirds are blessed with many blissful things in life and Hereafter. And may the love becomes stronger each day with no obstacles let u guys apart.InsyaAllah.

2012-01-03T20:48:00.002+08:00

Well, second term gonna start tmr. I mean today... Somehow, I am not looking forward to it. Eventho I should be as this is the best chance of me seeing my poly mates again! Well, the thing is, I had yet completed most of my assignments and projects. Hah hah hah.. Scary yes. I just hope I can handle the projects during my school days.

Hectic term is gonna chase me fast. InsyaAllah, I will do my very best and achieve good grades. =)

2012-01-03T00:44:00.002+08:00

U know the feeling of being ignored? I am just so tired of being not so happy like how i used to.

I truly missed those times when U can make me happy, even without trying. For now, it's even impossible for U to even do that.

Where is the old U i knew back then?? The feeling is growing again. Don't make me be the cruel person U can ever meet.

hello 2012...

2012-01-01T00:01:00.001+08:00

Well , 2011 has bid goodbye. It seems like time passes fast. So now, I don't really have new resolutions this year. It comes to the same old ones. It seems like just another ordinary day to me.Cause i always regard each day as my new day for adventures.heh.. Anyways... I've learn sooo much for '11. I can see that it wasn't been a great year but, it gave me loads of opportunities to do new things and learn new lessons.

And despite most crappy things that had happened, I've learn to depend less on others and more to myself. I must admit, no one could ever experience sadness all the way right... And beside, there will always be a rainbow after every storm. I've made new experience, mistakes, friends, and many more... Despite having sucky grades for my CT, i try to think that as a stepping stone for me. An eye opener or wake up call for me to do much better than prev. And I've learn to be more strong whenever it comes to every shitto things that happened. Cause I know that I should try to believe that I am standing strong on my own.

Well, in '12, am gonna expect much lesser from anyone as i rather have excitements than disappointments. Am not gonna have any new resolutions as i'm still stuck with the prev yr resolution! Wakakakaka! So, i'm gonna work on the resolution and do more things that makes me happy. But of course, my priority is still to make my loved ones happy as it can just make me happy naturally to. :3 The first yr of my adulthood has end. And here comes 21st. Sheesh. But then, I still look young. Hehehe. Forever young!! :P Am gonna try my best to do good and brush up on my Aqidah... It's been bad lately. :/ ah wellls....

To: my parents, thanks for everything. U made me wanna love u more and more unconditionally. I'm speechless and i really don't know how to put words into sentences in a way to show my gratitude. Always pray and love for u till my last breath. InsyaAllah.

: my bestf iylia, well, altho we meet up lesser and lesser due to busy, thanks for being there for me when u can. I really hope U can find ur happiness in future and please, be less emo than me ok?U'll always be my melody to my laughter,and my tear to ur cry. Kay it may sound corny, but i knw u understand! The friendship of 10 yrs will remain strong k. I'll promise to be there for u, happy or sad, rain or shine. Remember that kay..=)hahahah sayang kau lah kay...

:cty, this crazy gf of mine. thanks for always be there for me even tho u are busy. i will always pray for u to have a bright future career. i just don't know hw my life will be like if we did not met frm sec sch... and i love disturbing u sooo much cause u can naturally react on the jokes and craps! hehehe.More to come kay!! cayang eu.

:amani, this crazy bitch,thanks for always being there for me. and most of the time, u are the one that heard me cry, laugh and many more weird noises over the phonecall. hahahha. i really appreciate ur presence and u are the one who cn be my counselor in the future. please be more crazy so that u can make me laugh more often. one thing that is sucks, staying soooo far frm ur place. but i know, the bond that is strong can never fades despite the distance. =) love ya...

:dearies, i really miss whole lot of u! never get to meet up ever since sending me off to china. Yes, babes...that long!! =( pls meet up soon kay...

:to U, i hope u can find ur gf. Thanks for everything.

:to new friends, wholy schmolly! i am sooo thankful to Allah for bringing u guys to me. Even tho it's just the 2nd meet up, i feel so happy when with u guys. It's like, i've just found a group of ppl who have the same crazy character just like me! Wahahhaha... I felt happy and ease when with u guys around. I hope more fun adventures awaits us! I started to love u all already! hehehe <3

I have my limits

2011-12-29T00:03:00.001+08:00

I just can't stand it anymore. I just wish to set it free. Set myself free again.

2011-12-20T06:22:00.001+08:00

well, i'm busy working. so what ya expect??? ;D

2011-12-13T23:14:00.002+08:00

well, CT results aren't out yet.. Haiz, I guess I was pretty anxious abt it. Hahaha..

Yesterday, went out with wendy at JP. Treat her for movie -Adventure of Tintin- as a present for her good achievements for PSLE. Heh... We were so clueless of where to go after the movie. So just window shopped and we ate frozen yogurt since she never tried before. Heh. The lemon flavour was nice. Hehehe. Head back home for long bus ride since she actually likes it. ^^ Reached home with nothing productive to do. :/

As for today; paid a visit with mom to NUH as Ina's nyai was hospitalised yest. Diagnosed of hemiplegia on the Rt. I feel so sorry for her condition. prayed that her condition will get better. Oh, I saw some of my missy(s) there too! hehehe. Was craving for chocolate, so i bought one at 7/11. but the chocolate wasn't in my favour, so i gave it to mom instead. Heh... Went BPP mcD for take aways and went back home. Well, did nothing much than watching tv with mom.

Adios! i'm excited for tmr!! teehee!

2011-12-08T22:37:00.004+08:00

Well, to think back, i should just forget about this whole bullshit things since it's not gonna bring me to my present and future. I should just walk ahead and not looking back. Just gonna look forward to new things and be grateful and thankful to Allah that I am blessed to be able to breathe in oxygen and a chance to wake up today. :)

No one can stops me from going forward, except for myself. If there is just some people that wanna bring my down, it just shows that I am standing much higher than them right now. It also shows that I should bring up my standards higher. :D

Ah wells, gonna carry on with my Care Plan assignments and then watch my own mini movie marathon! Teeheee!! <3

Feeling of blessed & thankful,

As Allah give me another day to stay,

For me to see the world that is beautiful,

With His creation that really takes my breath away.

Alhamdulillah...

2011-12-05T16:20:00.003+08:00

on the weekends, i had truckloads of fun!!

On the Saturday; head down to Holland V for the Xmas Class Party with polyclassmates.Altho not many DID turned up, it was fun. Despite us got lost while heading there, raining heavily, and not many turned up, it was very enjoyable. Yean Min, Nuri, T.J & I meet up first by train since they don't really know the way. So, when we reached there, not many guests at that point of time. So we just grabbed some delicious food made by Ms Sandra and her hubby. Burgers, pastas and everything else! Muahahaha! Then comes the games session, we played passing parcel, treasure hunt, and i cant remember the name. Heh..What's christmas without any presents right? Hehehe, her husband aka Mr Santa, gave each of us a present! Hehehe.. Headed back home early since it started to rain heavily and more guests were crashing in. Took bus home and have my sleep before the Standard Chartered starts at 0200.

On Sunday; Had not enough of sleep all due to the first aid duty. Despite that, umai, phy and I still continue with the plan to go to Sentosa. Went there late cause me n umai was having hard time waking up frm our nap. :/ Then bought our lunch and I updated Zul whether it's ok to meet up now. Well, that was part of the surprise. Anyways, Upon reaching the bridge at Sents, it started to rain-heavily ok! -.- At that point of time too, I had to fetch Zul coz she wasn't sure of the location. She had the cake, presents and herself. Heh. But the disappointing part was when not many others dropped by. :( But anyways, i wanna scrap that off. We really enjoyed ourselves despite us being sooo deprived of sleep and tired. Reached home with no one at home. So, settle down and sleep for 11 nice hours. Hehehehe.

2011-11-29T00:51:00.002+08:00

one more paper left and i'm gonna smell 2 weeks of freedom. hek hek hek! :3

Mummy's Jubilation...

2011-11-26T23:59:00.001+08:00

Well yeah, I am busy missy for now. But I'm putting aside my books just to dedicate this post to my Supecial WonderWoman, my ibu! Heheheh...

Happy Birthday,dearest ibu. I hoped I really made U feel a happy even though it's nothing fancy or expensive. No matter what, to me, I really hope that something that is cheap can become a priceless treasure that has high value. Anyways, I will always pray for the best just for u and also ayah.

I really hope U love the video that I made! It's purely limited edition, plus love. Hehehe.. =)

Sorie, I didn't create poem this time round. Cause my brain juice are all dried up all thanks to revisions. :( I'll try my best the next time! Hehhehe

Lots of lurve, Syafiqah.

2011-11-23T23:13:00.002+08:00

well,basically, i'm done for my NR, presentation, class tests and i survived through it all! Muahahaha!

Anyways, I've spent tooo much time on my lappy for the past few days! And now, I'm doing my surprise project for my dearest ibu. And I was tooo fickle minded to choose the most special pictures that can be use. While I was browsing through the pictures, it took me a step back that we all have changed. Not only by physically, but the characters or attitudes. Hmm, it does makes me realise that only memories will keeps us going forward even without us realising it.

And,it wakes me up when I know now that as I am growing a number each year, so does my parents. They are growing old each time. It makes me cherish more time with them and makes me becoming more and more responsible for them as a daughter. At this point of age, I am pretty sure they would want me to really achieve what I can for the best in the future. But with the busy schedule ahead of me, it made me neglected my parents without me realizing it. InsyaAllah, I will do the best I can to love and take care of them with unconditional attentions they need. =)

2011-11-17T18:25:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah.... I've managed to pass my pract Assessment today!! Altho I knew that I missed a few steps and did quite badly, I still managed to get a pass. That's wat save me the most! Otherwise, my day would just turn more grey than yesterdays. Ah well.

I got ECG and Oral med. haiz...The skill that I've been wanting to avoid. Because I know that I didn't really practice well on that. =/ Had and hr lecture instead of 2. So headed down to Clem mall after top up the concession pass. Bought food for atuk and myself n went to nenek's hse. Did some mom's 'project' with his help and went back home.

Then an uncle was seating beside me and he was talking to himself all the way. It's creepy even if I knew he is lamornba man. Pretend to sleep throughout the journey. Ah well, that will not ruin my day as I've done the best for my assessment! hee! Adios!

2011-11-14T21:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, i just don't feel like studying at all. Kay, yeah, currently, I don't have the mood to study. Cause my brain is too shag. I do have enough of rest. But whenever I start to read or think, my headache starts to act up again. It really pissed me off sometimes! Geez! Not sure why my vit B supplements are not helping me to cope it too. Hais...

Anyways, I had only an hour lesson for today. Yes, ONE FRIGGIN' hour. since it's pract assessment week, we don't have NSL so we have lots of time being left. Hehehe. Siti bought for me koi since I'm too lazy to even drag my butt to sch e a lil bit early. Heh... Rot at home and just read book instead of studying. Woopsy. I really have no mood.Seriously. Cause I feel like I didn't pamper myself well on the weekends. Ah well, gonna mug down starting tmr! And thank goodness no NS2 class test this wed! Phew! So I can focus things step by step. hehehe

ah well, need to get my brain to settle some project matters. adios!! <3

2011-11-12T13:04:00.003+08:00

woopsy daisy!!

I totally forgot to update the blog! I've been busy for now. Got no time to fool around like last sem. Oh, and I remember that i still got the 2 weeks more of story telling abt my china trip! ;( I'll try to find the time to really update more okays.

As for today, I am not planning to go anywhere. I need to do my NR critique! And also the checklists for my core skills. Alhamdulillah I completed my NS1 qtn last night. So now, im just left with presentation, class tests, revisions, practical test and mom's birthday project. MyGooodness. I really hope I can survive!

Seriously, sch has been for 4 weeks, but it seems like 4 MONTHS alrdy! O.O My social life is the Internet, and frankly, I seldom go online,unless I need to do my project or print some worksheet. =/ Ah wells..I guess that's the student life for me! Hahahaa. There are soooo many overseas trip awaiting for me to apply! Hahaha, but I just not sure i should go for it,tho. Cause trip=money=shopping=broke=no life=can die... AHAHHAHA. Lame theory but it's the fact. :P I'll consider if it's at reasonable price! =)

And things are going on smoothly. I guess, the more I expect lesser frm U, the better it be. =)

Ah wells, whatever it is, I shall just make my move with a positive side of me. ;) InsyaAllah.

2011-11-03T22:01:00.002+08:00

School has been more hectic these days. I am getting busier and busier with loads of assignments that have yet been touched. Opps for that. Cause I spent more time doing revisions for next day class tests and also doing research for the assignments. Assessments are drawing nearer and nearer. I can feel the tense of memorising the steps!

My night wasn't that productive as I spent it on sleeping. It's rare for me to actually sleep late these days! I guess my brain juice dried up faster than usual. =/ Or maybe age is catching up on me. LOLLLLL. Anyways, I've experienced something new today! Well, besides woke up late for school first time in this sem, I manage to donate bloood! Waehooo. Finally I can be a donor after sooo long I wanted to. Hehehe. The feeling was nice. Not being sadistic or what, but able to save lives of someone, it's a nice feeling. =) Anyways, Siti wanna do together with me but she got rejected because of her weight. Heh... I'm kinda lucky that my hB lvl isn't low this time round! Heh heh heh!!

The anesthesia inj was super pain...I could really feel it under my skin, burning like fire. And then comes the biggie needle to draw out blood. I was amused abt it, instead of being scared. Hahahah! It took 10 full minutes to fill up one whole pint of blood. While resting for 10 minutes before going off, I felt dizzy and nausea. I thought that I'm gonna faint anytime as I can't even open my eyes altho I was responding to what the nurses were asking. But Alhamdulillah, it had subside right after they did assessment on me. I felt embarrassed as many donors were looking at me. o.O After that, I was brought to the resting area before I can be dismiss. -.- I guess that was when it took my time a lot. So I missed my 30 mins of lesson. Ms Sandra was being nice as she still let me enter her class eventho I was very late. Hehehe.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly even though I'm like shag and giddy most of the time. Hahahah. I guess it was normal for first timers like me.

Adios.

2011-10-29T20:28:00.002+08:00

Okay, so I knew that U hated me alrdy. So thanks for the info. But now, what's up with messaging me everyday when U used to say that U need your own fucking space? Tell me, who is saying it but didn't meant what the person said? Isn't it irony for U to do things that U are not supposed to do? Or are U telling me that it's ok for u but not for me to do it? Tell me, are u trying to fool me or is this some game u are playing to me? Is it like a test for me to actually stay away from U even though U are the one doing it? Well, whatever it is, it's wasting my time even if this doesn't waste ur time. I don't care if this waste your time! But I care abt mine!

I know, it's crap to really think this is a big matter. I don't mind,really. But after what U mentioned to me, and when U did the things U said U never do, U are making me confused. U may not be confused, but I do. But then, come to think back, since U hated me and it doesn't really matter to me, i don't wish to bother anyways. :) Cause it will be like caring for someone who hates me. U know, like, U love your own enemy even though U have nothing to love since U hate everythng abt the person. What is the outcome when it comes to that kind of social is that? Well, I say that piece of crap is pointless.

With the way U say u hated me, i know that it's the truth cause when a man is angry, it vents out every fact that has been bottled inside until the man is satisfied. And every fact it's being said has always been the truth. Cause it's been said by the words from the heart and less of the brain. Well, I know I made my mistakes of repeating things that U don't like me to do/say. But come to think of it, life doesn't come with your rules or instructions for me to follow. So basically, i do what i wanna do as long as i know my limits. If U not happy, leave. No need reasons or fights or arguments to make towards me! What's the point of arguing again and again, when U can actually just give up and leave?!? Tell me a thousand reasons of not leaving me instead of argue with me about something that I did wrong towards U. I didn't say or promise to U that I don't do any wrong or hurt U. And that doesn't mean that I have ulterior motives of hurting U!

Some say, by using the newton's law, that opposite always attracts to each other. That won't do. I don't know, it seems impossible to me.

Maybe for now it does cause I am still waiting for my future boyfriend/fiance/husband. hmms. Whatever it is, I won't stop pray for my lovelife.

2011-10-29T02:01:00.003+08:00

With all the troubles I had has been forgotten with a great therapy that I received by fun,thrill,and joy! Hehehe..

The speed that's fast, and the adrenaline rush I experienced, I sensed that I could fly up up and up in the sky! It's pretty worth it. =)

And I am glad that Jialin was superrr happy and I finally made someone happy because of what I had done. I just love the rides!! Hehehehe... Luve ya,girls!

2011-10-22T23:52:00.002+08:00

Kay in few minutes time its the 23 oct. Which reminds me of nenek instantly. I just cant believe it that it has been 3 years alrdy. How time passes fast! Just so u knw,never in my mind can i forget abt her. Never in my life wilk i ever forget what had happened. But i know,with the past i had gone thru,it is a step for me to learn n move on to live my adulthood. It doesnt mean that i move on by forgetting her tho. It just mean that i am gonna try to be strong enough to face this alone. It takes me loads of months n years for me to realy open up my heart to really know what the meaning of leaving means. Altho not many could leave me with huge impact unless they really gave the attachments towards me. Granny,never will i forget abt u and the wise words and stories u have shared w me. I hope and pray that u are at peace n happy always.

I miss u so much.):

week One. p2

2011-10-22T20:50:00.000+08:00

So basically,

on thursday; we had our class at 0900 till 1600. That was included with IS modules that were being taught by the china lecturers. It was boring,serious shit. We had to have our lunch in the big canteen. Where there was a muslim store. It wasn't nice so we just ate bread and biscuits. We don't dare to explore the food we could eat due to lots of reasons. Anyways, we have to go to their hall after our dinner. There was this some freshmen party which was organised by them. So we have to go and watched their performances. At first, we thought that their performance wasn't as good since what they always do is study their ass off! Hahaha. But never did we all knew, it was very good! It surprised me ttm! Anyways, headed back after 2200 since the concert actually end at midnight! Sape mau layannn! Hehehe. That was when I discovered that the night was freaking cold and my feet were numb till it gives pain! =( had our late night heavy supper in hotel and i called my father using roomie's phone. I am sooo grateful to have a good roomie! :)

friday;we had class again. so nothing new. I fell asleep during IS module. It was very embarrassing! -.- Anyways, didn't do much on that day. So we just go back to the hotel and had our dinner feast. We went to sauna together with azizah,zulaiha,roomie,and rica. it was the chaotic one ever! We were lost when we can't communicate well w the cheena staffs there. We wanna go to the swimming pool, we took 30 full minutes to explain-sign language, picture guessing, and all other retarded stuffs. And we ended up didn't got the pool as it was located at the men's room. =(So we just steamed ourselves in sauna. Women side had nothing interesting right until when we saw few ladies with their naked bodies! We were shocked that they did that kinda way. Well, they were showering but there wasn't any divider or something to cover themselves. o.o We were laughing our asses off and head back to our rooms. Showered and me and roomie were happily skyp-ing with her friends who were as chaos as her! Hahahha. Head to bed as we had lessons on saturday. -.- oh, it was their National day. It wasn't as happening like in Singapore! :X hahahhaha.

Saturday; school as usual. We headed to the sports hall as haiqal wanna play badminton with the china buddy. it was fun and didn't i know that most of them were very active in sports. Head back to class as we have the IS module again. If I not wrong, most of my friends head to the school's spec shop. they decided to make there since it was friggin' cheap! Well, I decided to make one too! Hehehe. Plus transition ok! It only cost me S$40 only! Muahahahha! Headed back home for our dinner and food was depleting fast. =(

Sunday; We went to school as we had this henna painting,rangoli making,dumpling making and mooncake making, instead of going to the pagoda park due to the national day week and they said it would be very crowded,oh, most of the students in the Uni were having hols for a WEEKS! -.- Anyways, we had fun making the rangoli thingy-basically it was made up of colorful rice and powder. So we have to do in groups and the group who won was group 6. Heh... After that, we did henna painting, and I have to admit, I am not a good henna painter. Even Elgin's drawing was nicer! Hehehe, my buddy didn't do frm me=( but i did it at some other cheena students. heheheh.. After our lunch at the muslim restaurant, we head back to school for another round of dumpling making! heh..It was fun and awesome! I could do diff types of dumpling shapes and the students who taught us were sooo happy when I manage to do in different types of shapes. hehehe. The filling wasn't my type of taste so I didn't realy eat them much. >_< So soon after, we head back home and make our own dinner for the 9 of us. Called parents and msn with bal as usual.

PS: omg, sorry for the short story, i truly can't remember most of the place. :(

week One. p1.

2011-10-16T13:09:00.002+08:00

So basically, on Monday, upon reaching at the Beijing airport for transit, we were rushing for time! So not enough time to snap any pics. Hence, we took the fastest bus to lead us to the gate for our plane. With many angry passengers who were waiting for us, it's pretty obvious that things were cocked up and we were the ones that was holding back the flight. LOL. We were late for more than an hour,btw! Hahahaha. The seats were the best for our small nap! Pretty comfortable! Hahahaha. Reached the Taieyuan airport in an hour later and we had to take bus ride for another 2 friggin' hours just to reach our REAL destination, Shanxi. -,- Pretty shag lah. Then headed to the hotel to put our luggage down and went for a lunch at this muslim restaurant. Wasn't expect much, but the condition of the place was super dirty! Not clean at all! I rather seat on a protective sheet than seat on the chairs even though it looks clean enuf. =/ Well, as for the food, i knew i did ate it. But I just dunnoe what the heck did I ate. -.- Then we headed back to our hotel to refresh ourselves. Like before, I wouldn't expect much frm china. So things were not as bad as wat i thought it was even though it's 3 star hotel. Manage to give a call to ibu at arnd 1500 by using my roomie's phone. Ouh, my roomie was Hafirah! Super awesome much! Hehee. My neighbour was Zul and Azizah! Mega awesome! hahahah! In front of my room was Elgin and ruben bros. So awesome that we could be siblings! Wahahah. At night, we head down to this banquet party that was organised by the mayor or something. We were truly a VVIP there! Hhahaha. The food tasted hideous! I didn't eat much and I imagined myself starving due to loss of appetite! LOL...=/ Soon enuf, we went back 'home' and shower again and made a dinner of instant noodles with the geng (Azizah, zul, firah, haiqal, elgin, ruben,and damien) Super mega awesome! hahaha! Headed to bed close to midnight after having a chat w loved ones in sg and sharing stories w firah. =)

tuesday; we had to wake up early to go for orientation at Fenyang University of Medical School. The air was damn cold! We were being escorted by the policemen while crossing the road to go the school! Oh btw, the policemen were the ones who gonna escort us to wherever we go! Serious! Anyways, headed to this hall for some crap china talk. They were talking for wat i don't even know the purpose abt! Sheesh. The mayor was like sms/meddling arnd with his phone when a person was giving a talk! My goodness, where the hell his courtesy had went to?!! And btw, it's being recorded by the local camera which would be published at their tv broadcast! :O And my friend,Shanthiya saw a man spit at the aisle seat! My goodness,epic much! -,- Then after that boring meeting, we head down to their classrooms. And followed by self introductions, knowing our cheena buddies, and taking of photos. After that, we head down for lunch at their big canteen. And then the shocking part was that, my group and haiqal's group had to do presentation on our project! Couldn't believe it and we were NOT prepared at all! And I felt sooo panic-ish cause the audience were in big number!!! 300plus cheena students were there to watch us present! The worst part, I don't have my slides prepared for the things i need to say!=( That was when my stage fright moments triggered in me. =[ well, when I wanna passed on to another speaker, I couldn't remember what's his name! Well, basically it was Elgin! -_-'' Ah well, after we ended the two groups presentations, we were being assigned to partner up with a cheena buddy for our shopping trip on thursday. Her english name was Rainie,Chinese name is XiaYu or smthg. =] She is a nice kid! Hahaha. Head back to hotel with a freezing feet due to the cold weather of 8 degrees or below! Unable to contact my parents coz was too shag. But managed to go online msn to chat w Bal bro and iylia..

wednesday; the journey to the next place took us around 1 hour! We walk there ,i dunno why tho.We had a visit to the Fenyang Hosp where we were being greeted with a big welcome. They were super friendly people even though they are not that hygiene person. Anyways, we need to be more observant and since most of the motorist are nt courtesy to pedestrian, we couldn't just walk like our own road! LOL. We had to wear this unglam pullover jacket as an identification if we got lost, -,- . anyways, we this small talk again by the director/coe of the hospital. It wasn't that long,fortunately. Then we had touring arnd the hosp building. Went to the CT building, Paeds and O&G, Acupuncture, Hosp Museum, and back to the hall. It was a damn tiring tour! Because most of the time, we have to climb up the freaking stairs which is very high up! Geez. They served us lunch. But I was not hving the food coz it doesn't look that nice to eat. =/ headed to street shops for 4 hours of shopping with the buddy we were being assigned to. The shops sold lots of cheap stuffs!! And my buddy Rainie helped me doing the bargain of the things I wanna buy. Although not many branded stuffs were sold there, it does look nice and at reasonable price. By 1830, we gather arnd the supermarket before we head back to hotel.We walked back for 1 hour plus and had to delay cause we wanna buy our groceries for our dinner that night. It was a shagged night and we didn't do much except for shower, washed the dish plates and trying to use internet sms with my mum.

PS:week One part 2 will come soon.

hiatus no more....

2011-10-15T15:53:00.002+08:00

BOOOO!! hello there!! For 3 weeks of no real social life in China, now I'm back!

Just got back yesterday night. Pretty jet lagged for now. Will update accordingly soon. Prolly according to week by week basis. Cause there are just too many to share! heee! Yes, I've survived my china weeks! Waehooo!

2011-09-24T14:57:00.003+08:00

Well, here comes HOLIDAY fun for me! Done with work and soon,going to Shanxi, China. Oh, for how long? 3 friggin' weeks! Hahahah.

Since I can't really updte more on fb or twitter, i shall just updte more on tumblr or here. Heh... Anyways, I knew I'm gonna miss all my loved ones here, especially my parents and my closed friends, I just wanna let them know that I'll be in ur heart no matter how far the distance will be. I will pray for ur safety and health no matter what.

If possible,i will updte this blog of mine whenever i'm free at there. and surely to talk abt what is happening in china. hahaha. Of course, more pictures less words. =) And since it's a pair up room, it is a good time to spend quality time with my roomie, Hafirah. We shall stick together like sisters for 3 weeks! LOL...

To NSboy, I hope U are gonna do fine without this clown aka ur entertainer when U are bored. Get a life lah kay.

To U, I hope U and ur family will be fine. And InsyaAllah, things will work out for this friendship.

No worries, time flies fast enough for me to get home! =) <3

2011-09-17T01:02:00.002+08:00

Time flies tooo fast! Exam grades are out! And although I didn't made much improvement,I guess im glad that Ipassed everythg. Pharm spoils my whole grading range! I got D+ for it. But thankfully I passed as I thot that I would fail that mod as I knew I didn't really do well. Hehe..

Another good news is that I am still in the same class with my classmates (i think). Tho there are rumors saying that some of us would be change to new class. Pretty sad life. tsk. Well,gonna focus now to my work,family and also this 'holiday cum study trip' thingy.

Now im left with a week of work before I go to Shan Xi for 3 weeks. It seems like I will be not active in any social networks as they banned those sites! Sheesh, why China like that one!! Hence i won't bring lappy along. I hope i can survive the green side of their life and culture. Something new I am looking into. =) I will pray that my family will stay strong and will be protected by Allah 24/7. InsyaAllah.

Recently, went out with the NSman. We had dinner together at Lot1,well he randomly wanna meet up, so just meet lor. What I observed abt him,he was abit picky when it comes to food. We wondering arnd looking for good food. But most of the shops were full house and the last resort for him was the Foodculture. After that, we go for a walk at outside as I was actually friggin' cold. I was being bullied by him most of the time. I can't get angry at him by any minute. He sent me off till teck whye as I don't wanna get caught red handed and also bcoz he was damn tired. Awww. Hahaha. There was this sudden confession he talked abt along the way. He loved to play guessing games which I really hate it.

Soon, I actually found out that he is still in a relationship. I was pretty shock as he keep this kind of secret from me. I just couldn't have the heart of knowing that he would do this kind to his gf. I really hoped he did tell his gf abt this even before I friend with him. Because I didn't wanna be a 'boyfriend stealer' if there are misunderstanding among them. And I don't wish to be a third party. It sound just so creepy. I am lucky to find out now. The sooner the better. It save more troubles for myself and their relationship. Geez. However, Im just disappointed with how he treats me. I mean, the way he treated me is like as if he is not in a relationship kind of person. I thot that is the reason why we are contacting w each other. I dont wish to know why he did this way towards his own gf. I'm just disappointed w him as he didn't clarify things like this to me in the first hand.

Since I know abt this, I shall set my limits. In the long run, the friendship might be over if he still treats me too nice. I know, I don't mind being friend with guys in relationship, but I just don't want any misunderstanding with his lover even tho me n him did nothing wrong other than just joking arnd. And what would others might say if they see me hanging arnd w their own man? Don't that look like I'm snatching someones property? Love doesn't come with sharing when it comes to their own lover. It's ok w me if he wanna be friends. As long as he knows the limits I have. =)

2011-09-06T20:49:00.002+08:00

Well, things are going crazy during work! teehee! And only we missy know why! Muahaha.

So far I had not done much of raya outing as I am pretty busy. Well, Im better of this way as I wanna take things in a positive side. Since many things are not going my way, I am trying my best to stay on the positive side and not to let any dramas pull me down and not standing back up again. I will try to have more reasons to be happy,insyaAllah.

And I am doing fine. I guess it's good to pretend to be fine so that I don't have to explain my own feelings to anyone who don't really care. I just find it hard to knw who is real and who isn't. Hmm, As for now, I'm trying to keep quiet frm NSboy cause I don't wanna get close with him yet. I know to what extend is my strength and stability. There are so many things I need to do. And I'm afraid my own negligence or actions might hurt someone. Especially someone new. I'll just keep it slow and see how far he can tolerate with me as a friend. Hahahaha.

Recently someone I loved was being sent to NUH due to moderate asthma that hasn't been effective on medication. We were so worried at the EMD cause it took so long to get things settled. And frankly speaking, I don't really FAVOUR on NUH treatments. Cause most of the time, it turn out the outcome of the patients are deteriorating. And I used to have someone that had passed away there. Hence, it took me guts to really overcome the shit. Alhamdulillah, it had subside before noon. Thanks Allah. I really regretted for not sending her off to somewhere much better standard of care. But the main thing is, nothing serious was being reported and hence, doesn't need any hospitalisation. The Jr doc were astounded when she found out that I know medical terms when I mentioned it. Hehehe. Hence, found out that I am a student nurse. Which also means she couldn't hide any infos abt this person from me.

2011-09-01T20:00:00.002+08:00

Well, apologies for the very very late post update!

First of all...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!

Maaf zahir dan batin. If I did any wrong with or without intentions, do forgive me. =)

For the first day of Raya, I didn't really do much of visits as nenek is at my crib. =) So glad abt that. Many guests flood at my crib and Im glad I was there to help out. Hehehe. Altho I'm 2decade, I still received green packets! Heheh KACHINGGGG! Sho happy manzxzxz! Ibu cooked delicious foods (as always) and most of the food were finished! Oh, went out like arnd 5plusplus to atuk's hse. We wore blueeee this year!

I played Kinect at aqil's hse. It was funtabulous! And I bet, I can loose weight faster if I buy that toy! hehehhe. But come to think of it, i have no time to spare for myself for nw.. =( Well, overall, managed to go 3 houses for that day.

2nd day of raya was at Hosp. -.- Followed by the 3rd and so on. Geez, I wasn't really having fun for raya this year. Due to many reasons of my own. So I think I would most prolly enjoy raya with family as i can't slot in any days for friends. I guess I'm ok for that as I don't even have raya shoes. Yep... I wasn't really interested in buying one either. And come to think of it, i just hate this year. But I'm quite thankful for this yr as I realised that I can actually stand on my own despite the obstacles I was facing. The bottomline: I managed not to be soo dependent towards anyone so much.

With that OIP trip, I'm gonna be more busy with handling that matters and also my 4 wks of working. =/ So I am sincerely apologise for I can't manage to slot or squeeze in time for u,loved ones. And no matter what, I will still love u. And that won't ever change! =) InsyaAllah.

Adios ppl.

2011-08-27T00:32:00.002+08:00

I feel so sad. Ramadhan is coming to an end very soon. I didn't managed to do terawih much this time. All this because I'm being stuck with soo many exam revisions, assignments, and also being sick. I have disappoint myself and also, Allah swt. Haiz, Forgive me for that, Allah.

With raya around the corner, i just don't feel it anymore. I just can't be enthusiastic as last yr or the previous. I don't wish to explain the reason why either. Cause it doesn't really matter. In fact, I'm just looking forward to attachment. It is way more fun than this raya thingy. Although I wish that some things will always remain that way.

2011-08-25T14:03:00.001+08:00

exaams done!!!!

this smellls for PARTY!! teehee!

k bye

2011-08-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

I really am in doubt. Maybe I am not gonna belong to you. Somehow, it is still so uncertain to say that. Hence, I don't think it is a feeling at all. It is just a saying. Just to make my heart function and know that someone better like U to come. But then, it doesn't really feel anything.

I just hate myself for being too judgemental when it comes to knowing guys. Kay, it is still too early to feel the existence. So I'm just gonna go with the flow and making sure that my brain follows my heart along. But then, how come am I expecting so much from U? Like I want u to treat me like how nzm treated me last time... I know, different guys will do it differently. But why am I not that amazed or having butterflies in the stomach? Hmm,maybe it's still too early to see some signs. Or maybe there isn't any at all.

What I can reflect now is, I am comparing someone whom I barely know. Cause U seems to be like any other guys I knew who just come in a way to get entertainment from me. FYI: i am not a damn clown or a toy kay. I am just looking for someone who can really make me fall in love with every day. K, nvm, it is still too early to talk abt feelings, seriously. Let's just wait and see k,F...=)

I really dont wanna hope that U can prove me wrong abt my own perspectives with guys like ur 'species'. I don't want to put any hope coz it will only lead to disappointment.

2011-08-19T00:24:00.002+08:00

Hey...

Ramadan really is flying fast! In the blink of eye, it's gonna end soon. With Raya coming, I am not really looking forward to it. The reason is simple, I have only a day to spend time with my family. Is that even call a day to spend? I dunno. With the fact that things are going down, I don't really think I'm as happy as how I might turn out to be.

Talking about accept the changes, I still can't accept the fact that Late nenek will not be with us for this year. Haiz.. Alhough it's been years, do you think it's easy to replace someone u ever loved before? Do you think it is as easy as knowing U fail some major exams? I am not gonna say that I don't enjoy my life and have my laughter after all these years. I do. But that probably because I'm trying to stay strong by saying that things will get better. As a matter of fact, things don't. People just make me feel the right to be sad.

And as days goes by, with many happy times i had, I really wished I could still share with her. I really wished to talk to her like everyday she used to do. Frankly speaking, being in health science settings doesn't really help me much of moving on. It just made me think back of what I could actually do to stop from that to happen. Talking about dying does traumatized me a little bit. I am really trying, to accept the fact that everyone will go through that phase. But accepting the fact the loved one goes on, who will do it instantly?

2011-08-18T01:35:00.002+08:00

InsyaAllah,things will goes smoothly for me.

I will wait patiently cause good things are always worth the wait. Mr NS, hope U can really try to prove me wrong about not trying to trust U. Hehehe..

Was a good chatting time with u. At least I was not hoping much from someone this time round. Although I was doubt with my action at first, phy proved me that it was alright to do things that I should really do. Hehehe..I owe her my small part of my happiness. <3

Since U are in NS, I'm gonna put U into small test...hahaha...

retrospect 7.

2011-08-16T01:29:00.002+08:00

I remembered when I was still friend with nzm, we used to called every night during ramadan until it was time for sahur. Well basically, we talked about anything and almost everything. From feelings to crapola stuffs. hehe

I enjoyed most as we can just be ourselves in each other's accompany. Altho some nights we ended up in fights, but in the end, we made up by the next day. We tried to have fun by playing silly games when online too. Hahaha. And sometimes, we would be like talking seriously about our own personal stuffs. I knew, at that point of time I was sitting for my repeated N lvl.

Despite having sleepless nights due to talking on the phone, i don't regret any single bit of it. Cause I know, I was happy by doing what I wanted to. At certain days, he would also accompanied me study just so that i could stay awake! And he would even help by 'tutor' me some subjects. I couldn't say much of my thanks to him, siriously!

Well, he is great best guy friend despite all the shits that we've faced among each other. thanks once again,nzm. =) <3

retrospect 6.

2011-08-13T02:11:00.002+08:00

What we always did every year was iftaar together at Nenek's house each week. That was when she was around. Scrumptious foods were aligned at the floor as all of us would seat down to eat together. We would enjoy each other's company and laugh with jokes being put. Late nenek will surely cooked her best dish of nasi kuning with daging curry. And loads of other favourites. We would go terawih together and reach back home to play fireworks.

But then, when she's gone, things totally changed. My heart broke when no one did a proper reunion. For that first year after her gone, not one of us wanna iftaar together as we were too sad about it. What I remembered was that I only managed to get things organised at my house instead And that happened only once for that year. When that occur, it brought me to tears and I assumed that nobody ever remember about her at all.

I wish this year, there will be more than one reunion iftaar. I just miss her so much. ='(

2011-08-13T01:16:00.005+08:00

well, I truly had fun with my dearies today!

went iftaar together at 18chefs @ Tiong Bahru plaza. We shared loads of stuffs and catching ups together... While we were waiting for the time to break fast, Saf happily drank her milk tea she bought. I saw and asked her how come break fast timing so fast... She looked lost and she asked the others and she was shocked and spit back her drink! Hahahah...So funny.

As for today, I didn't really do much. As I was supposed to go school for last day, I didn't go cause I overslept! Hence, I just went to school for the sake of submitting my individual assignment. I sacrificed my sleep till 5 am to complete the whole essay of 1200 words. It was sucky indeed! And I didn't get the chance to even watch the video that my group had contributed! Haiz. Saded much! =( Ah well, I hope I can watch it soon! hehehe..

Somehow, I miss ad.=(

2011-08-11T22:24:00.007+08:00

Well, what i've been up to lately were doing assignments, went for NDP duty and also doing group project.

While every singaporeans were having fun on 9 aug, i was having fun at the Floatz roasting myself under the sun. Wahaha. Despite that, I didn't skip my fast even though I know I might get dehydrated easily. =) Proud of myself! Hehehe... My duty was being challenged truly by all those audiences -.-. But, leader Lixin and Jiaqi and the non Muslims friends were too caring for me. Hehehe. They might afraid anythg happened to me. :') Anyways, I wasn't really looked forward to do as I found out that there were many Army first aider guys. However, soon enough, they were friendly and funny. =)

Hence, I got along with them pretty much. And to the two army first aid guys, fahmi and i dunno another one, big thanks for help me out when the crowds got out of control! heh. Well, the sad part was, I didn't made a last goodbyes to them right after I had fun watching the fireworks.=( ooh well, im sure gonna miss them.. Ah well, what I knew was that I really had fun with the rest of the blue sectors too.

And the very next day, I only had 3hrs of sleep/nap coz school started at 8am. =( was damn shag and ended class at 5plus. Headed to Causeway Point to meet cuzzins for iftaar. Had loads of fun despite low energy level.

Adios.

retrospect 5.

2011-08-04T22:22:00.002+08:00

When datuk passed away for a year later, our ramadhan was not as complete as before. We went to break fast together as big family but then it just seems to be incomplete at all. I knew I tried my best not to cry despite having one another.

I remembered that ayah took out all his photo albums of him with the family. Clear enough I saw loads of his pics with me. And I started to tear up and broke down. I missed him dearly on that year. And I knew, he will be resting in peace at There. InsyaAllah.

I miss u atuk.

2011-08-02T22:02:00.003+08:00

the second day.

Alhamdulillah. Things are going smoothly. Although school made me feel more fatigue,I try to commit myself to this holy month. I have been sick for the past few days. And so far, despite this, I still carry on with my fasting. Alhamdulillah. I am trying my best to cover up full for this month!!

I just can't wait for the good quality time with my family members for these upcoming weekends! Although I knw there are some CHANGES, I just don't wanna give it as a big deal. *peace* Geez. I'm trying to be good, so don't make this shitty stuffs spoil my manner. I'll try to tolerate. But pls, I have my LIMITS k.

What I've learnt from today's fast was: to appreciate with what U have. What I have is, to do iftaar together with my family members and eat happily and enjoying the food. I knw that not many are fortunate enough to do it together as family. As some might not be complete with one another and etc... I know I should cherish this because sooner or later, I can't do this much as I will be working or coming back home late. And likely to even iftaar with my friends too. So I must do things to the fullest and not regretting anything at all. I'll try to accept things more with an open heart. InsyaAllah. =)

Ah welll...i have to get going! Cause i have loads of tests coming up and I got no time to fool arnd! Adios!

2011-07-31T22:47:00.002+08:00

Ramadhan is tomorrow! Yay!! I just can't wait for that month to come each year! And the best of all, I can do my part as a Muslimah to be good and do the right thing with sincere heart.

Apart from that, food will taste more than scrumptious unlike everyday! Well, I'm gonna be a busy girl doing my part to commit to Allah. Oh, I will continue with the past years memories of what had happened when Ramadan was on. Hehehe.

And I hope I can manage to go for terawih whenever I can. And I hope this Ramadhan will be going smoothly and Hikmah behind all these obstacles that my family and I are going through. May all have the bless Ramadhan this year and ahead. InsyaAllah.

And I hope that this Ramadhan will make a change towards myself. ;) once again, stay happy. (=

2011-07-31T12:58:00.002+08:00

Seriously, what were U thinking!!

U should know by now my routine for the past few weeks! But why the heck U asked me like U just know it? And pls, if U wanna keep in silence, so be it. But don't ever make a big fuss over that matter! It's just a small matter! Why U wanna make it sound so big? Oh, I was blur. Yeah I was. But do U know why? Can't U even tell frm the obvious that I am SICK? Brain is slow when immune system is low! Sheesh.

Menyampah lah sia. U can't even tell from the obvious, U even dare to said that to me! Oh I ask why is because I wanna know why U still mad at me abt it! Oh my goodness! What is wrong with your attitude! I just can't believe that U act this childish towards me! Why U like to make a fuss abt this? Wait, is this even a MATTER? seriously, whatever I say, there must be something that U are piss abt! Tsk.

2011-07-29T23:21:00.002+08:00

Had funtabulous time w Cty! We celebrated her birthday (belated one. Ehem) at Vivo City. Arrived late as my bus brokedown right after it stopped at a zebra crossing. -.- So suay! Because of that, I was late for 15 mins to wait another bus. Plus the peak hours at expressway, reached there super late! -.-

Treated her for dessert as she does not have big appetite. Hence, we just ate there and we are like making fool out of ourselves!! heheheh It was fun! It's been quite sometime since i last do something outdoors together! Searched for Red shirt as I need it for my NDP. Then my leader just mentioned that I don't need to attend. -.- Waste my money only.

Headed back home and get myself ready for tmr's class. Yes,dammit, i am having a SCHOOL. -.- Screw that much! Thank goodness it's for a day only! Ah well, just hve to get it over and done with.

Adios.

2011-07-28T23:39:00.001+08:00

seriously, sometimes i just can't deny that i miss how we used to be. but then...i can't change that.. i don't have the strength to change u. i don't blame u for this. i guess it's inevitable.

2011-07-26T21:15:00.002+08:00

This happened during last week when we have RHD.

Yep, I've loads of chinese friends. Sooner or later, I might be able to speak chinese fluently like them! Hahahaha.

Anyways, My rough journey had turned out smooth for today. I passed my pract test! Alhamdulillah... Although I'm not so sure if I did ace it, but what I knew, i did my very best. ;D

My friends has been acting weird these days. Really. It seems like they changed.

Cty has been treating me cold these days. I guess she has yet forgive me abt that incident. Seriously, I know it's hard for people to accept my apology. But why I can do it when I know they deserve it? I forgive them because I want to be forgiven for my wrong doings. If they say they could forgive me, make sure their actions proves it. Why pretend to forgive me when U are actually treating me badly? Isn't it the same as U didn't forgive me right from the start? I just don't understand these people. They always say things that they don't really mean it. How I know? It's obviously proven by their own actions.

Well, many might say, those who always say sorry every little mistakes, has no values in the sorry. Well that is not how i consider. I say sorry because it values what I had. I say sorry because I don't want my ego to kick my friends away. Ah well. I don't know. I feel that I don't really have time to settle this kinda matters. As I know it's no biggie. So I just gonna focus more on my studies. Dah Fed Up.

2011-07-25T00:11:00.002+08:00

Well basically, I had funtabulous for last night! Had deployed to ZhengHua Pri Sch for NDP. It was corky at first cause the plan was a bit corrupted! -.-

The performances are the same like the previous. So nothing impressed me much. :/ With exceptional of getting to see cutie guys along the way.. hehehe.... Oh, we had pizza hut for dinner. Hahaha I wonder why the dinner was special this time... maybe they finally decided to sponsor us.. Hahaha

Ah wellllz... I just wanna get things done fast and rush on with my school stuffs and busy woman again... LOL.

2011-07-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

Well, somehow I just don't give a fuck much because i'm busy with stuffs. If u neglect me, so be it. U don't mean so much to me anyways. Cause the way U've treat me this year is sucky. Not that I'm expecting something bad or good from U. But, pls, just remain the same U or change for the better. Not change just to make me feel offended or hurt.

2011-07-22T01:24:00.003+08:00

I almost come to an end of breaking down again. Seriously, sch is quite hard to juggle sometimes. Sooo many things to rush, I just not sure if I organise things in proper or not. Pract test is next week, 3 Presentations, class test and also new group assignments are yet being touched. Haiz.

It's only 2nd week and I feel like it's been 2 months! Geez... It is too packed until I couldn't breathe! Thank goodness there is such thing as weekend! Just looking forward to tmr. SO that I can enjoy a lil bit at ze Float. And then get back to reality by Sunday, to complete more stuffs before the test comes.

Adios.

2011-07-16T01:36:00.003+08:00

it seems like my daily routine now will be school school and school! bahahahhaha! im gonna be crazy for another 5 more weeks! With tests, projects, revisions and reports flooding my days! One thing I know for sure, I'm being loved by school too much. :/ I don't think I can really fix any dates by chances to meet my friends. Cause my saturdays are book by NDP until that big event day complete. And I will be busy completing my schoolworks on the sundays. Geez. I will miss my family for sure. As I knew I won't have loads of time to spare.

Safura is reaching Sg soon!! Sadly I can't fetch her as I'm having NDP. =( sorry for that... Will make it up to U! Money isn't in my pocket now. So, I don't think i have the mood to even go out. -.- I don't have the guts to ask extra from parents. I don't know. Maybe because I know, Im gonna spend it freely and not because of school stuffs. I'll just ask for it when I need for my school.

And I realised that time flies faster when I'm busy. That's good. cause i really wanna occupied my brain. Hehehe...

Adios.

2011-07-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

Just can't believe myself that Allah had answered my prayer within 24 hr. Alhamdulillah..I've got things sort out with U. Finally. We managed to settle it once and maybe, for all. InsyaAllah.. And somehow I already know what I really want from all these. =)

I hoped, this year will be a meaningful one just like the previous as I've been down too much cause of many twists... I'm gonna put that side away and focus on studies more.

2011-07-13T00:04:00.003+08:00

I just gonna look forward to weekends where that is the only time i can spend on....

projects, assignments, and class test. k crap for that.

another plan....

spend time on family and maybe friends. If I really can catch it up...

Oh, suit yourself. I am happy that you are happy to be out of my life. Cause I knw now that I meant NOTHING to U for the past 4 yrs. I don't think u even regard me as an acquaintance.

2011-07-10T01:58:00.003+08:00

Had a great day! Went for NDP duty. This time, it was NE preview! Was deployed at Admiralty Pri Sch instead of West View, which is friggin' nearby! Sheesh! It was fun and the students were adorable!

The generation difference: they are much more high tech than me when I was a kid of their age! Kay, the differences between my generation w their generation.

Me:having old school cellphones, using filmed cammies, walkman/discman, wearing cheapo stuffs.

Them: having iPhone,touch screen phone, (and all sorts of phone MY generation are using), digi cammies, MP3/MP4, wearing branded things.

WTF... This is not fair! omg... Somehow I feel soooo old school! Hahaha... My group in duties were awesomeness! And one of them,Kai Ying, is actually my neighbour! We realised about this soon when we ask. We don't even know us exist! LOL...

Watched my fav part, fireworksss. But failed to catch the parade cause my dinner time was being dragged. It was disorganised. Most of us were unlucky cause the food had run out..sheesh...

ah well..enjoyed the most and will get back to assignments lter! ;)

2011-07-09T01:38:00.003+08:00

Busy week!

Met Mom on tuesday for a movie at Rex Cinema. Watched Nur Kasih. Wasn't expect that it would be that sad. Seriously, it's pretty pitiful story. Frankly speaking, I would prefer to watch action movies instead of lovy dovy unless it attracts my attention. Hehehe. Saw Hidayah and also Syarifah too! Chatted for a while. Waited for dad to eat dinner together. It was a bad idea cause my right forearm started to give lots of red itchy spots! Almost close to measles/chickenpox.

The next day, didn't do anything as I was paying back my fasting debt. Did my assignments as well. My forearm was getting frm bad to worse. =/

As for thursday, went for cycling w Irah at ECP. I loved it because it wasn't crowded like weekends! :) Was so friggin' hot day and I believed that I'm getting darker. Great! Had to spend on a cardigan cause my forearm was getting hideous! Sheesh.

friday, Well besides lazing arnd at Cty's hse, watched Karak(horror mly movie) and it wasn't as scary as I expected.Sheesh. I even laugh when the GHOST appeared! And I was not really scared but disgusted by the graphics. What is happening to these horror movies these days??Oh,anyw, was settling some stuffs from my NDP updates to my getting my individual assignments done. Somehow, Pharm was not on my side cause I didn't get the things I need to find. Geez, worst come to worst, I might burn that assignment due to frustration! hehe

I have to go to Admiralty Pri Sch to fetch these pri 5 kids! OMG...Why they didn't deploy me arnd my neighbourhood area!! Wouldn't that be easier? hais... Ah well, am so gonna have fun and enjoy myself watching the fireworks again!! Waehhhhhhooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Somehow, I realise that I am not really that upset anymore. I am happy because I really am learning to make myself more happy. Well, I hope U too. Cause my intention is to leave so that U can be happier than before.(=

2011-07-04T23:32:00.003+08:00

Had yet start most of my assignments! Wah...best ek! As for today, I ditched the NDP briefing cause I was meeting my cheena girlfs (YeanMin and Gillian) at Bugis. They were planning to buy the clothes. I ended up buying one too. Hahaha.

Had heavy lunch again at Victory which located at Arab St there. Met kyn for a while to pass me the notes that I need for my Pharm. Headed back to Bugis St for some dress hunt for Yean Min. It's a success! She isn't a fickle minded as half of my friends and myself. Hehehe...

Met ibu at Clem Mall to run some errands. Accompanied her for lunch at the hawker center. Window shopped and I bought whitening facial as I am getting darker due to NDP duty. ~.~ Then headed to Baskin Robins!!! My treat for her and me. We were the happiest women in Clem. Hahahhaa. Headed back home thereafter.

Went out again to meet Bestf Cty for a long brisk walking. Frm Bkt Panjang to BBDC. Hehehehe... Unfortunately, my leg was pretty damn tired by the time we were going back. My ankle almost failed on me. Haiz...

Headed back home and kinda stress cause I dunnoe where to start my assignments!! :(

K bye

2011-07-01T23:20:00.003+08:00

It's the month of July already! Great, a month had passed by. And now, I wasn't gonna expect not much of things to happen. I'm gonna be more busy cause I'll have more projects and stuffs than my classmates. I'll soon tell U the reason why. Hehehe.

Met Yean Min and Gillian at Vivo city for catching up session. Managed to buy a new pants at reasonable price and had lunch at Pastamania since we really had no idea besides a random place to eat at. Gillian was having this idea of buy same shirt just the three of us. Hehehe..Loike that idea.

Met Ibu after her work at the same place too. Accompanied her for late lunch as I was still full. Was intending to watch movie, but the movies were not her taste, so we skip that idea. Bought a emergency Red shirt at UniQlo as the NDP shirt is too fitted. Don't like it lah. Thanks bu!! She bought some nice home decor stuffs. Bus ride home thereafter.

Tmr gonna have CR3 at the Float! Waehooo! so exciting! But sadly, my throat is having sore! Am not liking that at all! Hais...=( hopefully I'll be fine by tmr morning!

Adios

2011-06-30T22:53:00.003+08:00

when classmates meet up for project meetings....

We ate lots of junkies! And Nutella is one of it!

To us being silly and good at being retards!

With nothing much besides being crazy and nuts!

Plus just being ourselves.

Somehow, I started to love them already! They also reminds me of my exP23! Hehehe... Oh btw, I've received almost all of my CT results! Alhamdulillah i did pretty good, miraculously! Cause I did only revised last minute due to clashing of times. Sheesh. But looking on the bright side, almost all of my mods, I got Bs.. hehehe... Was expecting worst than that, but yeahhh. Am sooo gonna do better for exams! Hehehehe...

Met Cty for impromptu jogging. And now, my leg aches again.. hahaha... Ah well, I'm liking it though! It's kinda good for myself mahhh.

Adios.. Am so excited for tmr! Gonna meet Gillian and Yean Min! <3 (=

2011-06-26T23:59:00.001+08:00

Adilah drove us to T1 by evening. The reason was to see Safura since she's departing off to G*. Most of us did turned up although some didn't.

What I know was, we surely had fun taking pictures as part of the memories for her to bring along. Hoped she won't feel home sick-ish since she's gonna be away for 3 weeks! Hoping that she could adapt and stay focus on her studies there. InsyaAllah. Have a safe trip, babe! Hope U will enjoy to the fullest and make us proud with your studies!!;D

Had fun talking with Cik Anita (adilah's mom). She is very very understanding, outgoing, approachable and easy to talk with. Hehehe. Not that I wouldn't wish to have a mom like her, but I would still prefer my ibu more! I love her wittiness and her unique in trying to make people laugh. Hehehe.

Had dinner at Popeyes for fish sandwhich and then headed off home. Reached home by 2300. Had fun since we still have each other around. (: I just love them all. Girls, when again? :)

XOXO

overcome the resentment and despair.

2011-06-24T23:24:00.003+08:00

What I would not expect from U would be, missing me. That's for sure. HAHAHA.

Well, what amani said, was true. When someone is in fury, it's best that U kept silence and forget about it. Unless the feeling of wanting to settle it once and for all. During rage, many harsh and meaningless words just vomit out despite the other party's feelings. Hence, even though the words might get it right, sometimes it is a lil bit not rationale at all. Hence, ended up, both parties got hurt and things will get worsened. And that's when resentment comes and built in since forgiveness has yet came into the story line. That's when the other party will start having the not rationale thoughts to just leave it and stay silent. Or probably stay away since she feels that it's best this way since he can be more happy. That's when and the reasons why people start to Move On with the ones who can be happy whenever she's around.

I feel so sorry for U. Because, U made something small into bigger. Probably it's your 'weakness' in saying all those shits out of rage towards me. Get a life and control it. Shut up when U are angry. Sheesh.Geez!! Not saying I am not at fault or wrong. Cause I know I was. And also, we had misinterpret or misunderstood the definition of 'friendship'. But somehow, the way U mixed up with all the shits, U made me think that it's your fault. But I know, I shall forgive U in some way. Cause I am the type who always forgive people who are worth to forgive since young. Never did I forget that U mentioned U never gonna bother much about me anymore, I wash my hands from U now. Seriously.

Ah well, whatever it is, it has been long forgotten. The harsh words, I meant. The obstacles and situations I had gone through, I will bring with me as lessons of my chapter. I am bad at remembering bad moments sometimes. Alhamdulillah for that. I bet, that is my great gift from Allah. It's a form of mild amnesia of the past. (: Not to worry deary friend, I won't bear any grudge or revenge towards U. If U do, I'll be laughing and just seat there to see sweet revenge chasing u. (: Oh btw, thanks for everything right from the start. U've gave me tooo many lessons and experiences now. (:

Oh how I wish I can 'love' you like how U do nw. But I just can't because I know how to love my loved ones sincerely without any twist and turns in the words.

adios. XOXO

2011-06-24T11:26:00.003+08:00

well, holiday is coming!! As soon as my work end officially at 9pm, I'm freee baby!! hahaha.

Somehow, I a glad that I am moving on. And always looking forward to new things in life. I know, he won't ever come back in a while. but surely or maybe not, he might be back. Cause, I feel that the connection is still gonna be there no matter how much I try to let it go. The lessons I had, it's loads. Hence, I thank U for that. ;)

Anyways, I had truckloads of plans align for me in this coming week! Soooo can't wait to meet my dearest friends! Am gonna be busy with unstress life! hahaha.. Thank God I am getting back into my life. Well, only for this short 2 weeks. Somehow, I can't wait to see my poly mates again. hehe.

Work has made me value my mom sooo much! And I've also know that experience like this are made rarely once in a while. Hence, cherish them when they with U. Or another words, cherish them forever. I know, some may go out of my lives. But it is just the matter of who really deserve to stay and who don't. It takes huge guts and feelings to really stay down flat without falling down flat. Should really know that, nothing comes the way U want it to be.

So, no matter what, I shall just move on and let Allah plan it for me. Finding someone new is not the hardest. Finding someone who can stay is the hardest. So let it free and see who will return back. (: insyaAllah, things will be smooth.

2011-06-22T23:35:00.003+08:00

Surely thought and expect nothing much to do for my brain during work. However, we got many things to chase and complete!

Just hoping that it will go smoothly and my grades won't get badly affected.

My ankle and knee are acting up this time. My knee, it is painful even when seating! I don't know why or what causes my knee pain. My ankle, it is prolly due to old injury. It's painful has worsened. Will try my best to reduce the pain. Hopefully.

My body isn't doing a good job to me. I am doing healthy routines daily, but, I feel like I am gaining more weight! What the heck is wrong with my body??! Urghhh, quite worrying for me. Shall try other alternatives then. heheh.

Since my knees and ankle is acting up, I hope it heal before my holidays start. Hahhah..

k adios.

2011-06-20T17:12:00.003+08:00

Well, as for now, am gonna do my best to carry on with chin up and a smile on my face. Not to make people feel good or attracted to me or whatever, but just wanna make myself sure that many more things will come and have to handle much more than this.

So whatever has happened, it happened. Now, I just wanna make more things to happen rather than regretting about such shits. Hence, I'll closed down my heart or feelings towards guys as it's under maintenance. Hahah. It won't be very long, just temporary period. Cause I am pretty sure, that my heart can be heal fast and strong back. InsyaAllah.

And I just can't wait for my work to end! I really need my break plus dates with my loved ones. Oh, the projects are chasing. So i better get it done quick! ;)

2011-06-19T15:29:00.002+08:00

i really don't want to play with my feelings again. I'm too tired to let the heart get meddled around. It just seems like I can't do things properly. So I shall stop it as I don't want more hurt. Esp to my loved ones.

Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hati Syafiqah ini. Jauhkan lah semua keburukan daripadaku. Amin.

2011-06-19T15:07:00.002+08:00

Little did I expect or know, that I meant nothing to U. Never in my heart did i ever expect that. I am sorry for being fuckingly selfish towards U. And sorry for the lie that made U actually believe it. Plus that promise that I made had been broken.

Me and my story will be burn and bury. Take care. :'(

father's day

2011-06-19T01:21:00.004+08:00

U are the hero when my world goes black and dark. The knight that will always defend the family. The head that will keep the family strong and together.

That is my father.

Thousands of thanks from me for everything that U've did for the family. For all those sacrifices and things that U bought for me and mom. If I really have the chance to write down a piece of something abt U, i will create a short story. So, I'll keep it short. For all these years U've seen me growing, U've made me into the young lady who can stand up strong for my family and myself. If not for U, I will never be where I am standing right now. I will not be the person that anyone could assume me as a weakling and no hope for the better. If not for U, I might not be able to stand strong with many obstacles that I've gone through and what's in the future. I will surely make U proud of me. U've made me into a person that nobody could ever push me down so low. U've taught me valuable lessons in life. Through hardships, I know now that nothing is impossible. U've taught me to colour people's lives. U shaped me with full of laughters and also tears. Apologies for all the fury that I've done towards U. Apologies for all the mistakes that I've made, be it with or without intentions. If I am going to settle down, I would pray that I will get a very good and responsible husband just like U and also a person that can change my child's life. InsyaAllah.

I will promise this: I will take good care of U and ibu till my last breath and will do whatever it takes to defend U and the family. I will take good care of U and ibu by giving the best of the best from what I have and not getting any disappointments frm me. InsyaAllah. <3

2011-06-12T22:00:00.002+08:00

In the morning, had 30 mins of skipping and was like sweating like a whale.hahahha.

Then had breakfast after which, waited for dad to reached home before we went to the PC show at Suntec City. Had bought the portable hardisk! Yay! At a reasonable price with a memory space of 500GB! Was soooo happy now! Got new extra storage my lappy! Hehehe. At least, it's the price that me and dad share. heh...Will switch with someone since he needs the model that I bought due to the items he got for free last time and the hardisk i bought is the only one that can be use for his item. Ah well. exchange soonish..

Fetched mom from work and ate lunch. Then paid a visit to atuk's house as he's been discharged on friday. Was happy to be able to see him in a good condition again! heheh.

I'll work out more! hehehe.. Anyw, working tomorrow! busy busy busy! hehee

I wish I can meet U sooon. I missed U too much alrdy! =(

2011-06-10T21:17:00.002+08:00

Yayness! I've completed all my CT papers! waehooo!

I'm gonna spend my remaining days with my loved friends and families before i start working! heh...Gonna be fun,hectic and interesting weeks ahead of me. Well, at least I hoped.

Had great time with Bestf Minah today! We did loads of catching up! she gave me HUGE surprise frm M'sia. Hehe.. She gave me...

Hehe..yes.. It's the same size as my head!! LOL.. Had my lunch and I had no appetite for dinner. Hence, I missed my dinner time. Sheesh. Bought Polo Dress frm Uniglo and Shirt frm Cotton On along with some groceries.

Had to go for NDP training from tmr onwards. Every Sat till the real performance, I'll be ushering. So book me only for dinner or smthg yeh. Heheh..

Oh, it's June already. 6 more months its the end of yr. OhMyShitz! :O

2011-06-03T21:10:00.004+08:00

It seems like, the time past very very fast. Somehow, come to think of it, I can't believe that I am alrdy in year Two! Sirius shit, with the fact that time goes fast, u can't feel it pass by right until U realise it. Sheesh. These days, i'm paranoid about many things! IDKY kay... And frankly speaking, i missed my childhood moments. Childhood deprived ey! HAHAHHAHA! And when u think that u can picture yourself in the next few years, u will soon realise that u are now at the present age u had imagined before. And the unexpected adventures are the ones that made the life more colorful.So it's pretty scary and cool. And never will U wish that U imagine what or how U might look like or where u will be in the future!(= So kids, don't grow up too fast! hehehe

What made my school fun are my classmates and poly mates. They are the ones who made my sch life colourful despite all the shits I've to face. Alhamdulillah. Syidah, Siti,Nuri, Yean Min and loads more to say, are the ones who keep me laughing and happy daily. My daily 'clowns'. hehe... The part that i hated the most are the lecturers. Most of them aren't really doing their part as a person who teach younger gen. Siriusly, that made me worry pretty much. Same thots goes from my classmates.

As for that friend, I know, he is busy, so I can understand why he neglects me. Cause I am pretty busy too. And besides, he seldom text or call me probably because of his low ppd. sheesh. Although some times, I do wish he's there when I really need a listening ear. It's hard to carry on my own. But I must bear with it in order to really stand up on my own again. InsyaAllah i can.(= And who knows, he will be much happier or proud of me doing that for myself. Heh...Today, I got pranked by him with him using new number that I didn't know abt. He really put a tricked on me and then he didn't admit right until he gave me a clue. Hehe. Although I did have this feeling that it was him right from the start coz I recognized the way he sms-ed me. I expected him to admit but then he was doing his own way right until i was fed up about it. Hehe... But overall, it was fun since I really missed the connection we used to have. ;)

Somehow, I don't really get to face, see or even talk to any of my loved ones exceptional of my parents of course. Haiz. All these thanks to CT revision period. I will soon make up to them.InsyaAllah. =) And this also include Bestf Minah. I've not been seeing her ever since... I dunnoe. I can't recalled it. =( I just hoped they don't forget me. Or even misunderstood me because of my negligence towards them. No matter what, I will loved them more and more and making sure they got the attention they deserve.=)

With CT around the corner, I am pretty much afraid that more and more problems are chasing me. I just wish that problems will stop right there or not getting me knowing about it. Cause I dont wanna have bad grades again. I want no more D in my mods. hehe

I just don't like people/loved one, breaking any promises to me without having reasonable excuses. Seriously, if U think that U can't keep the promised U made to me, don't bother. Because I will hate that person and have this mindset that U would make the same mistakes again in the long run. Seriously, stop it. And the more U did it again, the more hatreds I have for U. I know, I wasn't like this before. But i've changed. All because U taught me that ppl like U can't be trusted. Be it related by flesh and blood or best of friends, I will hate them unless they gave the very good reason that can really can convince my heart and trusts. Siriusly, I can't find my strength to really trust people these days. U teach, I learn. _|_

Chiawz.

2011-05-31T23:11:00.000+08:00

Ya Allah, jauhkan lah semua keburukan daripada keluarga Syafiqah. Amin...

2011-05-31T22:00:00.003+08:00

It's the end of May already. oh ppl, i am still alive,btw! hahah

Time flies really really fast. School really occupied my weekdays. And I feel that most of my friends are not bothering me much. Cause they know pretty well that I am super busy. I feel so fatigue due to ugly sleep that lasted for 2-4 hrs each night. Well that was for last week. I had much fun on Sunday sunny picnic with Cty and the others.

This week, it's more hectic. It's revision week. Was hoping for small retail therapy, but I just can't find the time to squeeze in for that. I guess Sch really love to date me. hehe... InsyaAllah, it will be over soon. As far as I could cope, I'm trying to keep away from problems by not socialise many people. Another word, neglect them. I am very sorry, but I have to. I'll get back once I am free. =)

Lecturers aren't doing their job well in making us understood the lessons. It really sucks! Some of them are sucha plain N O O B, irresponsible, nonsense, and some just have too much of hormonal problems(daily PMS). sheesh! I dunno if I really can survive my 2nd yr or not. =( pretty depressing you see! Not like the course is one thing but not understanding the modules are another thing! *bangs head*

Klah,adios! I hope to really survive man!

2011-05-23T23:26:00.003+08:00

i'm left with no more hope.

he is now with someone. who he thinks deserve him better than any other girls do. include me...

I was left in denial and lost the chance.

now, i have to get back up very quick to focus everything again...

2011-05-14T15:21:00.003+08:00

I am tooo tired to think soo much other than school.

Anyways... I've been such a clutz for this week in school! I've drop many stuffs and did many stupid things... Roleplay that wasn't graded was funny. Class test was a shit as I can't figure out loads of qtns. One of the lecturer was crap. She's damn fierce and made me rolled eyes plenty of time because I wasn't really that scared of her. Pfft, who does she think she is,she think she's a teacher that teach in secondary school,is it? HELLLLO,reality check, you're teaching POLY students. The students who are having mind of their own and learning to adapt adult life and having fun. Could u just chill for a sec? Sheesh!

Anyways, I have a strong feeling that I am not gonna score well for this crap class test. We revised 6 friggin' chapts just for 10 mcq and 2 saq.. How crap can that be? Sheesh, we have other school stuffs to do,kay. And as for this coming Monday, it's my assessment day! Scary and nervous,can? Cause I knew that we all didn't practice much due to having a confused and noob lecture for our NSL! I am hoping to get a B+. If A, all that thanks to myself and no credits for the lecturer. Yes, I am fucking bad. Cause people around me are treating me bad too! So fair and square!

If U want me to treat U nice, then be nice to me. Unless U wanna discover my ugly truth side of me.

And I don't give a damn if U don't wish to care or concern about me. Cause I know that could make U happy. =)

2011-05-12T21:34:00.000+08:00

I was trying to build up hope

Which has been faded in the past,

Never did I know it's a fragile rope.

That I am holding on that can never last.

U pull me back up tall

And then push me away instantly,

And that's when I knew I won't fall.

U expecting me to fall very early.

I know I can't assume or judge U,

And I got no rights to do so,

Though my guts says U are being untrue.

And playing my feelings like a show.

I was in fury and in rage,

But I know its just miscommunication,

Please,dear, have the courage.

Together we can solve this misconception.

I have this feeling that you are playing with my feelings. Cause it seems like u are nt sincere enough to face the music. FSKFJNSFJSKNFASHJFBH YOU jerk.

2011-05-08T14:25:00.001+08:00

Ya Allah, what is really my wrong or mistakes? I know, this is some sort of punishment for me. please, forgive me,Ya Allah. I don't want this anymore...

2011-05-08T13:04:00.002+08:00

HAPPY MUMMY's DAY!

to all lovely mummy out there, may you feel the loved from your children! hehe

Kay, as for me, I gave her hugs and kisses. Was planning to go out in this special occasion, but we postpone to other time as dad will be rushing to the toilet sooner or later. hehe...

You have been my life savior,

Ever since I was young and immature,

You teach me to be a survivor,

And strengthen my soul to be mature.

Thanks for every love u gave me,

Without you my life is incomplete,

As i know this is how life should be.

So that U can always see me succeed.

Apologies for all the hurt I done,

Be it with or without intention,

Maybe it's because I am your only one.

I hope that all these doesn't lead to any misconception.

Love you,ibu and nenek.

I missed you dearly, nenek. i hoped and pray that U will be fine and happy in Heaven. InsyaAllah. :)

2011-05-04T21:16:00.004+08:00

I think I've been asking or relying too much towards U. That's probably why when something strange did changed, I felt upset a lil for not having a person whom I comfortable to share with. I just feet like I can't do my usual daily rants to anybody besides classmates and U.

I feel so numb. I can't figure out what emotions I am feeling. Seriously, it does not have to do with hatred, sad, missed, love or anything. And the best word is numb. I just don't know if I am really feeling the pain or disappointed with myself. I guess people around me really taught me some lessons. Such as to be pushed around and when I fall, I don't feel anything as I know I don't lost my value yet. And, to make big effort to understand why people make me sad. Besides that, they are also the ones who keep on making me strong for myself to stand up back right from the spot and not from the starting line.

I feel independent for once. But somehow, when I know I am doing fine, I knew that some part of me are still missing. Like when I knew who to look out for whenever a good or bad thing is on my shoulder. I don't deny, I do missed that, although the numbness overcomes that 'missing' feeling. Well, I don't deny that I am trying to stay away from this so that I won't hurt or upset U for my own wrongdoings. The best for me is to stay away from U,for your own good.

Go and find someone else! Go and find someone who can heals U. Go and find someone who can make U feel happy. Go and find someone who U think can accept the whole U better than I could. Go! Go! Go and make yourself happy without having someone like me.

U know very well how numb I felt... I __________...=(

2011-05-01T13:14:00.000+08:00

School is hectic for week 2. Almost everyday, I ended late due to make up class. In addition, I've a CCA. So now I have to really prioritise my own life.

I took CCA because I wanna get myself busy so that I won't let my mind at ease to think about shits and unnecessary stuffs. As for studies, I am not really doing so good. I am trying to follow with the pace,tho. So, whatever it is, the main solution is reread what has been taught in sch. Sounds easy, but it isn't.

So far, I am still hoping to get along with my new Poly classmates since bond is the main thing to get us going and managing our studies together. I just hope that I won't isolate myself too often. Cause I don't wanna make them think I'm arrogant or smthg. Heh.

As for myself, my health aren't good enough. Now, the flu virus and throat virus are trying to invade my bodeyhhh. And it's pretty damn annoying. I really think that I should also plan to make an appointment to dentist. I hate seeing tt person,tho! heh...

adios.

2011-04-25T22:06:00.003+08:00

i really don't know,but somehow, i feel broken and miserable a lil.

haiz.

many things should be left unsaid right since that day. i shouldn't have. otherwise, this won't get worsened.

anyway, i'll updte again about the trip asap.

adios.

2011-04-22T06:43:00.000+08:00

A mini escape for tmr! 3D2N,goodbye sunny island!

Will be back for more update when my class test is over.

btw, i dream about eating the strawberries alrdy! Hehehe...

2011-04-18T23:23:00.002+08:00

School Sem starts todayyyy!!!!!!!!!!

Sophomore!! That's a new term that is fresh for kids like me! heheh... New start, friends,environments, classmates, and also modules! Sheesh.

It's a hectic day for me! In pract class, all faces were not very familiar except for Yean Min! Gosh... Count myself lucky for a start. Then class on every mondays will end at 1800. Best...?

Azza and some others are still in a same lect class as me. Hence, we still seat together. Maybe, it's a bit awkward to seat with some new faces of same class. But soon, we'll get used to it. ;D Anyways, my expect of having slacking lessons were wrong! Most of the lessons had started REAL lesson! Believe it or not, I even know that class test is next week. Besides that, assignments started to welcome us for today! -.-

hmmm, kay i need my restO...

see u in 13242384623283239736987220 days later for my updates! hehe =P

regrets...

2011-04-16T22:52:00.002+08:00

I know, I am not alone having this feeling of regret.

I somehow, regretted of saying things that I wish to take back and say what U should actually heard from me. Yes, I regretted of saying it honestly. And I did regretted of not asking U back the same question that U asked me on that day. It kept me pondering and dwell upon it for days,siriusly. And I don't like dwelling on something in my mind for too long actually. But, naturally, the mind keeps on set me thinking more and more about it.

And then, I can't take it any longer, I tell a friend of mine instead. I just pour out as much as I could to let my own mind empty again. She said that there is no point of dwelling upon it and the regret of not doing so. Instead, just take it as a lesson I've learn. Yeah, she's true about that! And come to think back, I shouldn't be regret about it. I should take it as a positive note that there will be a new chance for me in the long run. And maybe, not knowing the answers to my question, it might not be the expected answer that I've been wanting to hear. It also means, I don't have to feel so sad or disappointed to know what the reply will be. It might be a good thing,though. But I am pretty sure that it might occur again.

I believe that good things always comes repeatedly. So, if I didn't know now, I might know it sooner or later. If it didn't turn out to be good, it shows that I just have to know it once and not twice. Ok, I know things always can be very rocky. But U will never know how smooth the journey can be in the long run.

InsyaAllah...Thing will be better. Amin...

2011-04-15T23:01:00.002+08:00

When u think that u are actually strong enough to face bullshits alone and independently,u are actually lying to yourself as u fall down back flatly to the ground. U can see that u are actually pretending to be ok when u know, your own heart are starting to fall and shatter to pieces again.

It just means that u need someone there to pick u back up and saying,"everything is gonna be alright again". Someone that has always been there for u,not saying u can't depend on your own, but just having someone there to let u assure that nothing stays permanently.

Suddenly, I just feel the emptiness again. I can feel that something is missing. I feel like I have nobody to share my happiness with. It's like, there is hole inside me. Oh please, give me back my busy life again. So I can distract myself of feeling this way.

I missed U,dearly...

:'(

2011-04-12T22:16:00.002+08:00

It is...........................for the 3 of us who lovesss ice cream sooo much!

hehehe i hope this brings u sunshine back, naj! Look on the bright side even on the rainy days! =))

2011-04-10T00:11:00.001+08:00

the best day for the week everrrrrr! heeheee!

i hope u really have a great time! rest well,kays!

XOXO

2011-04-08T01:39:00.002+08:00

I've been a bitch for the past few days. Heck, all these shits made me cranky because I'm sick. Flu, fever and cough ever since Tuesday. I'm not really good in taking meds. Really. I hate it a lot. If my sick doesn't subside, maybe I will go see that doc. If not, don't need lor... hehe

Anyways, my 2nd week of hols were soo boring. I didn't really go out. Sheesh. I only went out on Tuesday to meet kyn. And on monday, just to settle some stuffs with my mom. Hopefully I can really spend my time with friend today. =(

2011-04-03T20:15:00.001+08:00

i think, being ignorant has always been the best.

whenever i have given my time, some people just take advantage of it. so what do they WANT from me??

2011-04-01T23:59:00.001+08:00

Ohhh! I had soo much fun just now! I met Ad, Cty and Lufi at PS at ard 7pm! And I really missed him sooo much! hehe... It's been 2 months since I last saw him!

Ahhhh well, sadly, I didn't really talked much. Felt awkward,maybe? But seeing him had made me a happy kiddo! I just hoped he will recover from his cough soonish. He's been busy with his current work, so that's why he's hard to be contact. =(

Well, i hope I can see him again soon! Heeheee! He still treat me well just like the previous meet ups. ahhhh...

I'll skip the best part of all kay? Hehe...

Headed back home very earlyyyy and unable to hang out longer than I expected. Sad-ed manzxzxz. =( Otherwise, it will be loads of fun! Heh...

Chiawz! *hearts*

2011-04-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

Oh so now, being a girl has been an issue for me not to go back home late? So gender does matter nw? What about other types of issues? I didn't see gender to stop us doing things that we love.

Besides, how long are U gonna stop me from doing what I want? I'm already 2 decades and I expect U to believe in me and give me the freedom that I need since last 2 years. I thought that U guys will close one eye on me when I'm grown another number older.

Well, I know, i got freedom from U, but not as much as I need. I dunnoe...Maybe I am growing and still trying to understand WHY u are still protective towards me.

I doubt I could still enjoy my freedom when I even reach 21 or above. For goodness sake!

2011-03-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

Was out with dearies for today!!

Headed out to City Hall with Kykyn and Atikah at the stroke of 1445. With the search of good food to eat. And not any fast foods to go. Hence, we decided to chill for a while at Esplanade nearby. Had hot fudge sundae ( yes I know, I don't have clean stomach again..) Talk and talk with some pictures taken since we don't have camera with us. Fetched the rest at CityHall MRT at 1800.

We finally decided to eat at Manhatten Fishmarket since we wanna feel... rich?.. LOL... Headed to esplanade area and we decided to seat around after much of walking has done. Hehe.. We bumped onto our staff nurse frm our working place! Had lil' talk and then headed home by 2230.

Had the blast and sadly we didn't get to buy the scrumptious popcorns because we were too full. And thanks for the present,kyn! hehehe...

Reached home by 2310 with dad nagging as per normal.. -.-

adios!

2011-03-29T22:32:00.002+08:00

Met iylia at BPP since we wanna bought our healthy hearty lunch. Headed back home and watched Hantu KaklimahBalikKampung. Along goes with series of Dream High. We were in healthy diet week. SO most of the food that we might eat in more days to come are gonna be healthy and less of unhealthy kind.

Anyway, headed to BPP again as she wanna buy some hair clips. Walked around the boring mall and headed back home with 2 sets of sushi....

Had an awesome and simple time today! More to come! ;D

2011-03-28T15:34:00.002+08:00

Yayhoooooooo!

I've done cleaning my filthy room! Like yay,finally! Cleaned off all the books, notes and lecture notes that was kept for almost a year old and threw off what I think is not worth keeping. Then start with all the unwanted clothes which seems like I can't fit in anymore and some are the ones that I don't think I might be wearing. Hence, which means, I can find excuses to buy more new nice clothes! Hehe! Maybe I'll throw off any unwanted begs soon enough! Since I'm gonna be in 2nd yr soon in few months time!

I decided to stay home for today. Spending some good time rotting at beddie and also taking care of granny. And besides, I've nt been at home most of the time! So I guess it's a make up time for me. Heh.. This can result me into not spending sooo much of moneyhhh. I feel like people are still celebrating my birthday even though it has long over. hehe. I'm still getting belated gifts and people are still giving me treats. heh... Ah well, I guess they wanna cheer me up for being 2 decade already. Sheesh!

Well, things are going smoothly for me. And I am still looking things on the bright side. As for school, I'm not gonna be in the same class with my 1st yr classmates anymore! Saded man! But I guess I'm still lucky enough to have Yean Min in my class for 2nd yr. Azza,sheehui, Hengjie, Syarifah, Fiqah and many others, will be in diff classes.. Haiz... We were being separated for a yr! I hope nothing changes among us and will still contact with each other.

2011-03-25T23:10:00.001+08:00

2nd year of Poly!!! Soon to come! hehe..

I got good grades for tis Sem. However, the total up of 2 Sems had reduced my GPA.. Ah well, however, I did achieved my target. Alhamdulillah. hehe... Despite having too many unavoidable and unpredictable problems, I managed to get good grades. Hehe... Although I still see a 'D+' in a mod, due to poor conduct. heh shucks!

Temporary Working Life is officially over! And here comes my HOLEEEDAYS! haha. Please be slow to let me really enjoy my 3 weeks.

Had great time after work just now. Met Amani n Naj at Seoul Garden at City Hall for lunch. And we hang around by the river by the time sun started to hide. It was beautiful and relaxing. And it had been a while eversince i really laughed a lot as I was busy with CA,i'm so enlightened again! =D Trained back home by 9pm.

The cramp is really bloody pain... Speaking of my body, the clocking wise has yet to stable and I am easily tired out. Hence, my life became mundane recently. And I will adjust back to become an owl again. hehe. Cause I miss my 'late night life' with lappy,tv and MJ12. hahaha! Besides that, it is time to be back in jogging shoes! ;D

I was pretty sad when my cam can't even function even tho I didn't really neglect it. Haiz... it has turned down on me alrdy... =(

Don't create any promises or hopes for me to wait and expect. PLEASE.

2011-03-20T16:59:00.002+08:00

Everything happened, comes with good reasons whether or not it is obvious. So whatever comes, accept it as it is.

Happy birthday, atuk... May U have a peaceful year ahead of you during your golden age. ;D

Love U loads! May U live long with more good things ahead of U. InsyaAllah amin..

2011-03-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

Been very busy with temporary working life for this week! Well, I've got sooo much things to write about actually. Besides working, I've met some of my friends if I am in morning shift. If afternoon shift, i will meet up for breakfast or just rest at home.

some recent pics to share with.. =)

Had dinner with fam, at Fika, AuntBusu's treat.

presents were from;

mazin, Bestf minah, lee sis.

followed by jialin and amani.(yes, she bought me a long dress) hahaha

Anyways,besides that, the most important part was, I get to spend my time very well in an addition to my age.hahaha.

Me so happpyyyyyyyyyy! kk bye.

2011-03-12T23:59:00.003+08:00

U ruined my special night when it almost comes to an end. Heck yeah, I knew now that I was being a demanding person and such. Please, stop trying to get things settled all the time, instead, do take things more easily on me. Plus, U had spoiled my night at the wrong timing.

I have a heart of stone now when it comes to guys. Siriusly, I don't even want to bother about it. Sheesh...I don't care if U hate me or what anymore. As I don't wish to make u upset again.

And btw, THANKS A LOT,ey...

2 decade

2011-03-12T23:47:00.002+08:00

Happy Bestday to me! Happy Burstday to me!! haha! I mean Birthday, yo!!

I had the blast! Ah well, looks like I'm getting old and old soon! Pfft! Anyways, Bestf eel, bal and I went to Suntec City for the IT show plus the BodyShop Megaduper sale! Before that, headed to Banquet @bugis for breakfast. Minah bought me presents that I would find very useful! hehe.. I love it loads! =) Thanks for the Jodi Picoult novel,accessories, and cologne.. =) Really didn't expect at all..haha

Then headed there to buy our anti virus software. However, we were short of cash,hence, just doing some mini window shopping. It was super crowded as usual. Headed to the Body Shop sale and we bought many stuffs! I can go crazy!!!!! hehe... Down to mcD while waited for Bal to arrive. Chit chat for 30 mins when Bal came and then headed to the Body Shop again since he need to purchase some stuffs there..hahah..very rare right??!

Headed back home early as AuntBusu wanted to treat my fam and me for dinner. hehe.. I chose the dining place and the theme was South Eastern cuisine! Located at Arab st,named Fika. Hehe..My own name,man! It was delicious altho the food were very pricey.. Enjoyed the food and it's a very peaceful atmosphere. Headed for supper at the nearby coffee shop for some drinks and headed back home after that.

I would like to thank all those who had wished me through sms,calls and facebook. Thanks a lot for the presents that I received too. Hehe..

As I grow a year older, I promised myself to be a good daughter,Muslimah, sister,cousin,niece, friend, best friend, aunt, student and also for myself. And I wanna achieve better grades for my 2nd yr! Muahahaha! I hope that i will do better than before too... InsyaAllah.. And I will achieve my dream by striving hard and surviving..hehe...

Sincerely, Syafiqah.. ;D