Somehow, my words are some sort of contradiction to myself. When things just go smoothly, I am taking things for granted. I am seeking more from you even though I know that I am the one who 'needs the time of my own' kinda situation. I feel so suckish when this happens. The word meaningless are growing stronger inside me. Helpless when I know that I am the one that keep saying that 'everything is okay' with confident tone.

I am making things hard for you. I could have just ignore about it. However, I don't know why my gut feeling keep on saying/shouting 'I have my own rights to stand on my own feet to say whatever I want to', I don't wish that way. It could be a good thing. But it could be a bad thing too. Like it could hurt the person's feeling without me knowing or feel it. I somehow wonders, why the hell am I making things worst for myself. Like as if I have nothing else to do other than creating it myself purposely.

When it does happen, I soon realise it and then cry myself out like I am a pathetic shit. Like as if some one else that should be blame instead of me. Yes,bestf, you are correct. I am unfair towards you and my loved ones. Like, no matter how careful you twist it into good words, it will always leads back to you and you get all the blames in the end. Like no matter how careful you arrange for words, it will unscramble back it all goes back to the main one. You may think it is unfair, but that is how the word 'karma' is formed. "What goes around, comes around back." So if it doesn't goes back to you, it might happen in a worst situation than what you'd did to the person. So, think before you said or act as everything comes with a consequences.