It has been for the past few years of me not remembering about it. Out of the sudden that had happened today, I was being push down flatly. Demanding, misunderstood, selfish. Now, at this point of time, memories about late granddad has been opened back again. The cut that has been fully healed by me, has started to bleed again. I remember every single bit of it. I felt like as if it just happened yesterday,tho it has been 7 yrs ago. Thinking of someone that is closest to have kidney failures, brings me phobia and frights of the history to repeat again,naturally.

Why must you do this to me? Why being selfish by doing this to me? Because of that message I've received, it gives me a fright. Because of that one message, it brings me to tears like it never gonna stop. Because of that particular message, I remembered vividly about my grandad. But do you care? Do you understand? Do you even want to take notice of it? Do you even bother ask me if I am okay? Nevertheless, I am trying,hard, again to help you out even tho it's the last thing I ever wanted to do. I hate talking to you about this kidney failure thingy. It just creeps me out,naturally. No matter whoever that I knew has kidney failure, I will be the weakest girl to listen. I will be traumatized by that illness. I will be phobia of losing the loved ones who have kidney failure.

I wish that I have a million pair of kidneys in me. So that I can donate it for those who have kidney failure. I am willing to do that. Cause, I know how it feels like to loose someone who is being diagnose with that illness.

Ya Allah... I miss Atuk sooo much. =(