Somehow, I don't wish to be in a confuse state anymore. I don't wanna try anymore. But, the lesser I did, the more U come. We vowed to be best of friends. But is that what I really wanted? I don't wish to keep myself hanging and in denial as always. No words could ever be describe with whatever shit I am feeling. Sometimes, it is pretty scary to make friend that is within far distance. 'Fret that U might be in trouble like any other friends, U might be sad and I am not there for U. Somehow, maybe it's hard to flourish friendship that is too far distance. It's hard to do hanging out,meet up or anythg that are done by any friendship like me and eel.

Feeling of insecure is truly in me. Loneliness is not in me, gladly. Due to all the loved ones that never fail to shower me with their unconditional love. I am not greedy for love. However, I feel that I am missing a word in my dictionary of life. A word describe eternity. A word describe sincere. A word describe happiness. I feel insecure due to certain things that are happening around me. Positive side of me is fading and negative is building up inside strong.

I made vow to myself to be there for anyone in need. But am I there for myself when I am the one in need? I feel like I am in pretense again. I have no regrets of whatever I did as I knw each has its own lesson or solution. I made vow to myself not to hurt people's feelings. However, I am hurting my own. Heck, I don't care about it at all.

I find that I am having hard time to really trust a person. That probably because I find it hard to trust myself. Being an irony type of person, sometimes I don't mean what I say when it comes to my own feelings. I just hate to share or express openly. Maybe yeah, I am difficult to be understood at all. I know, deep inside, I just have to face it and keep holding on till nothing happens. I am trying not to do any harm to anyone.

Easy said, remain silence has always been the easy way out.